


Steppingstones

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-06-18
Updated: 1999-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-11 06:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11142744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: As summer wanes, Ben and Phil begin to realize that their time together is drawing to an end.  A trip to Thunder Basin focuses their thoughts on their relationship. This story is a sequel toLike Thunder When It Rains.





	Steppingstones

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

Ben & Phil Ch 10

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV, or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Drama/Romance Rated PG (some swearing)

Steppingstones

By SL Haas

(Copyright December 1996, Revised June 1999)

August 1984

"Y

ou're going on a three-day patrol, Fraser. Get your gear together." The abrupt words met him as he entered the RMR station.

"Who's my partner?" Benton Fraser, RCMP, gathered the necessary equipment, and dug through his desk for a logbook. When no answer came, he looked inquiringly at Jason.

Jason's face was split by an ear-to-ear wide grin. "You're to meet Dr. Philippe McKenzie at Miller's Crossing in three hours. Think you can find your way there?"

Ben's answering grin was just as wide. "Let me see...hmmm...if I'm not mistaken, isn't that a bar in Ouray?" Jason laughed as Ben hefted his pack and started toward the door.

"Fraser?" Ben turned back to face Jason. "I sure hope you know what you're doing. Phil's a good friend to all of us and we don't want to see her hurt." He shook his head, "How did you ever get past first base with her?"

"First base? I don't believe I understand the reference." Ben's lack of familiarity with colloquialisms was well known.

"Let's just say you’re the first man that has **not** gotten frostbite from the Ice Queen. I should know! I was one of her victims. How did you do it?"

"It's very simple, Jason," Ben grinned at him and said the magic words, "I love her."

* * *

His feet flew over the last stretch of trail to Miller's Crossing. Sure enough when the platform came into view, Phil was already there. This time, however, Ben made no mistake concerning the gender of the person waiting for him. He knew she was female to the core.

As he climbed the platform steps, Phil turned to him and smiled her crooked smile. Ben walked right up to her and in his most innocent voice asked, "Excuse me, Ma'am. Is this Miller's Crossing?"

A look of amusement crossed Phil's face. "I'm surprised, Ben. You still haven't figured out that **this** is Miller's Crossing? **And** if you **Ma'am** me one more time, I'll **Constable** you." They both laughed and loaded their gear into the basket and traversed the river.

They hiked until they reached the fork in the trail. Ben stopped and asked, "Where are we headed, Phil?" He was just a bit curious. "Jason said it was a three-day patrol." 

"We're...uh...damn!" She stopped and turned to look at the man following her. The indecision in her eyes was new to Ben. Phil's mouth opened and closed twice before she turned away from him and sighed deeply. She dropped her pack and dug into its depths and retrieved a small book. Ben recognized it as the one they had shared readings from. She stroked the cover of the book before handing it to him. "Page 34," she said in a quiet voice.

Ben took the book and turned to the requested page and read the short poem:

__

Prayer

by Gail Brook Burkett

I do not ask to walk smooth paths

Nor bear an easy load.

I pray for strength and fortitude

To climb the rock-strewn road.

Give me such courage I can scale

The hardest peaks alone

And transform every stumbling block

Into a steppingstone.

He turned a puzzled glance to Phil's profile. "I don't believe I understand."

"T, you'll be leaving in a little over a month." She drew in a ragged breath. "I'm not even going to go into what that is going to do to me. I'm sorry, I don't have the strength to face that just yet." She bowed her head. Sighing deeply she added, "...and I've been watching you. I know that you're having much the same problems dealing with that as I am."

"We never did talk about Canada, Phil."

"I know, T." She turned and only then did Ben see the pain in her eyes. "What is there to say? We both knew this was temporary. Now the time is approaching when what we have shared will be only a memory..." She shook herself and Ben watched the shutters settle in her eyes. "That's not why we're here."

"Why are we here, Phil?"

"We're here to _'scale your hardest peak, and transform those stumbling blocks into steppingstones_.' We're going back up to Thunder Basin, back up to the Falls, so you can face that slope and know that you have set your fears behind you. I know you pretty well, Benton Fraser. I could tell that something was bothering you. It took me awhile to figure it out. But when we read this poem, it all fell into place. I'm right, aren't I?"

Ben smiled and shook his head, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you can read me so well. I'll admit I've had a couple of nightmares about that slope..." Panic momentarily flashed across his features. "Are you sure this is the only way? Not that I'm scared or anything, it's just that..."

"...you'd rather not have to deal with something that almost killed you...something that scares you witless?"

He shook his head again. "How do you do that? How can you read me so well?"

"It's really quite easy, Ben. I went through the same feelings after my fall. I had to come back up here. My fears of that slope were affecting the way I handled everyday situations. You know, at one time I was even afraid of the slope behind the station." She grinned at Ben's incredulous expression. "That's right! Every time I climbed it to reach the chopper pad, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Finally, Jason dragged me back up to the Falls and made me face my fears. That was back when I was dating him."

"Hmmm..."

"You know how much I hate it when you 'hmmm'! What are you thinking?"

"Oh, I was just recalling a comment that Jason made today before I left the station." The inquiring look on Phil's face caused him to shake his head. "It's not important, Phil. Go on with your story."

Phil gazed up into the face she had come to love. She took the couple of steps that separated them and encircled his waist with her arms before laying her cheek on his broad chest. "There's not much left to tell except that it took me nearly three days to finally get up enough nerve to slide down that slope. I was so scared and my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would burst." Ben's hands on her back and his steady heartbeat gently soothed her fears and replaced them with a growing desire. She shook herself and stepped away from his solid strength.

Ben felt a pang of loss when Phil pulled away from him. _‘Get used to it, Benton. When you leave, you won't have her to hold anymore. You'll never hold her again...feel her lips on yours, her body in your arms, breathe the scent of her hair, experience her love... You'll be alone, again.’_ He realized that **that** thought frightened him more than facing Phil's Falls did. He tore his thoughts away from the echoing loneliness and focused his gaze on Phil's somber face.

"Anyway, T, we're going back up there. Not only for you, but also for me. I told you once before that I went up there several times a year to face that slope. Unfortunately, I have been otherwise occupied this year." She gave him a meaningful look then shouldered her pack and returned to the trail. Her voice drifted back to him as he followed in her wake. "I told Darryl and Jason what I wanted to do. Every one at the station was most understanding."

"Yeah, I noticed how understanding Jason was." He grimaced at the remembered grin on Jason's face. "Are we stopping at the cabin again?"

She stopped and turned to regard the Mountie. "Well, unless you plan on sliding down that slope in the dark, I think we should plan on spending the night at Vicker's."

I don't want to slide down that slope in the daylight much less the dark, Phil."

"Great! I just knew you would want to tackle that slope again." She grinned maliciously at Ben when he groaned. 

"You hate me, Phil. I can just tell you hate me. Why would you want to torture me like this if you didn't hate me? What did I ever do to you?" Ben fell in behind Phil as they continued up the trail they had followed back in May. Every time he added something to his list of _'why Phil hates me_ ,' he could hear Phil laughing.

"Keep it up, Fraser, and I'll **push** you over that cliff. It would be a relief not to have to listen to your bellyaching!" 

Ben laughed and obediently shut up. Besides he had more interesting things on his mind--like the way Phil's body moved in that graceful way she had of hiking. He hungrily memorized her movements. He would definitely miss watching her. He would miss more than just watching her...he would miss everything about her. He would miss **her.**

Time passed quickly and they soon approached the rock pinnacle that had precipitate that first kiss. "This is a good place for a short break," Phil remarked. Standing in its shadow, she turned to Ben and smiled in remembrance of past events. "You scared the living daylights out of me, Ben. Why did you kiss me? I've wanted to ask you that question for some time now."

Ben returned her smile, dropped his pack, and helped Phil remove hers. "Why did I kiss you?" He looked around at the slope before him. "I guess it started when I saw you lying on the ground. I watched your eyes change."

"My **what** change?"

"Your eyes changed. First they were intent on getting your picture just right, then when I was standing over you, they changed to puzzlement then fear." He pulled her to him, slid her glasses off, and gently kissed her eyelids. "I just wanted to make the fear go away." He kissed her nose. "But I didn't do that, did I?" 

Phil shook her head. 

"I scared you even more, didn't I?" 

Phil nodded her head. 

"Would it scare you now if I kissed you again?" he breathed against her lips. 

Phil shook her head. 

"Do you want me to kiss you again?" 

Phil nodded her head. 

"How much do you want me to kiss you?" 

Phil groaned and slid her hands up his back until her fingers tangled in his hair. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue across his lips and into his mouth. Ben returned the fervency of the kiss.

Too soon they parted. Phil leaned her head against Ben's chest. He buried his face in her neck holding her close. He was drowning, drowning in his love for this woman. The things she could do to him. He no longer tried to control his body's response to her closeness. He knew it was futile. He drew her closer, letting her feel his need for her. He wasn't surprised when she drew away.

"No, Ben." The glazed look in her eyes was gradually replaced by fear. He'd done it again--frightened her. When would he learn to take it slow? But she had desired him as much as he had her. What had happened?

"We need to move on, T. We still have a ways to go before we get to Vicker's Cabin."

"Phil, you make it hard on a man. There are no cold showers out here. I want you and I know you want me."

"This is neither the time nor the place to be discussing something this personal, Ben. Please, can we just forget this ever happened?" But how **could** she forget it? She had felt so alive, so vital. She wanted to feel that way again but, not here and not now. She needed more from this man than just physical desire.

"I'm sorry, Phil. I can't turn my feelings or desires on and off like a tap." He stared at her, wanting to say more but knowing that he couldn't. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go take care of some business." He turned away from her and hurried down the slope toward the trees and the trail. Rounding a large rock that placed him out of sight of Phil, he stopped and leaned against the rock. His hands moved to his belt. He hurt so badly...he wanted Phil...

Phil watched his back as he moved away from her. Finally, she climbed to the base of the rock finger and sat down to wait for Ben's return. She buried her face in her arms and placed them on her knees. She didn't want to fight with Ben. There was so little time left to them, then he would be gone--gone from her life forever. A new pain joined the old one in her heart. She was certain now that all Ben really felt for her was a physical attraction. _'I'll bet, the moment I gave into him, he would be off to find greener pastures. I am such a fool. How could I have ever believed he really loved me?'_ She laughed bitterly wishing yet again that she had never met Benton Fraser. Well, he wasn't going to be here much longer. She could survive. She didn't need any man. She had her brothers.

Why, then, did she feel so miserable knowing that Ben didn't love her enough to want all of her? She mentally slapped herself and set about rebuilding the wall around her heart Ben had so carelessly broken. It was too bad that some of the pieces were missing and, try as she might, there were gaps in her wall of defense that she couldn't fill. Her dark thoughts were interrupted as she saw him leave the trees and climb the slope to where she sat. They shouldered their packs and Ben fell in behind Phil. He did not speak to her for quite a while.

Phil was not used to hiking in silence. She was used to a friendly give-and-take companionship with her friends. The silence radiating from the body behind her was unnerving. Why wouldn't he say something? She had tried several different topics, but each had been summarily rejected. Finally, Phil stopped trying and hiked on in a silence of her own.

They followed the small stream up its narrow cut. Ben recognized it the moment they turned into it. By now he was sorry for the way he had treated Phil. What right did he have to demand something as precious as her body? None. He had made no commitment to her. He couldn't. He was leaving soon. He would never see her again. If she didn't want to have sex with him, why did he feel like she had denied him something that was rightfully his? He shook his head. Phil continued to amaze him. Most women he had encountered were so eager to get him in their beds that he had to fight them off. Now he was on the receiving end of the same situation. He would certainly have a different perspective of those women in the future. Now he could empathize with their wants and needs.

Vicker's cabin came into view. The sight brought memories to both their minds. They silently set about making camp. Ben made an overture to Phil. "Do we have to cross that slope? How about we don't, and say we did?" She looked at him. The withdrawn look in her eyes hurt.

"If that's what you really want. **You** can stay here while I make **my** run down the slope." She was tired of playing this game. If he wanted the silent treatment, she could give as well as any of them. After all, she **was** the Ice Queen. He could definitely benefit from a case of frostbite. _‘I should have done this months ago. Maybe, if I had, I wouldn't be hurting like I am,’_ she thought as she opened the door to the storage closet.

"I'm sorry, Phil." It was said so softly that Phil almost didn't hear it. She turned an inquiring eye to him.

"What?"

"I said I was sorry. I should never have pushed you like that. Can you see your way to forgive this sorry excuse for a Mountie?" He smiled his most winsome.

Phil stared at him. She blinked her eyes a time or two. She was having a hard time keeping a straight face. _‘Sorry excuse for a Mountie? Where does he come up with these lines? And that smile--if he only knew what that smile does to me. Sorry excuse?’_ she thought as the laugh that threatened to break loose won control of her mouth.

"That's better, Phil. I was wrong. Can you forgive me for wanting you so badly that it hurts?" She smiled at him and nodded her head. _‘Damn,’_ he thought as his body responded to her smile.

There was a slight nip in the air, so a fire was built in the fireplace. Their beds were unrolled (Phil's on the foam mattress from the storage closet) and the two of them reclined on the beds. They purposefully sat apart, knowing that a closer contact could only result in more hurt feelings. Still, the looks they shared spoke of their desire for each other. Finally, Ben took the initiative and slid his lean form over next to Phil.

"Why?"

"Why what, T?"

"Why do you deny what we both want?"

She looked into his eyes and saw the puzzled hurt buried in their depths. She sighed, turned to him, and buried her face in his shirt. She was amazed at how she could again find the buttons on his shirt to be such an engrossing study. "I won't lie to you, Ben. I have dreamed of making love to you. I want you as badly as you seem to want me. But, I can't give myself to you without some kind of commitment. I need to know that you want me for more than just the physical side of love."

"Phil, you have to believe me when I say I do love you. I can't deny that I want you. My own body would make me a liar. But I do love you--your firm grasp on reality, your refusal to be a stereotypical female, your warped humor—you made me feel loved for myself, not just my looks. You fill an emptiness in me. I don't feel alone anymore." The words were hard to speak around the lump in his throat. "Cat told me that when I found the woman that would take away my loneliness and fill all the empty spaces in my heart then I would know that I'd found my soul mate. Phil, **you** are my soul mate and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

She toyed with the button letting his loving words sink into her heart. Still, he need to know where she was coming from, maybe he would understand her fears. Maybe he could help her face those fears. "There's more, Ben. I've thought about this a lot. You grew up without a mother and a father that you barely knew. I grew up without a mother and a father who hated me." She looked into his eyes, and drew in a deep breath. It was now or never. "I promised myself many years ago that I would never be responsible for bringing a child into this world who would not have the love of both a mother and a father." She laughed, but there was a distinct note of bitterness in it. "Believe me, I've even thought about having your child...at least I would have a part of you with me. But I've realized that that is selfish of me. I'm sorry, Ben, but I'm not willing to take that kind of chance."

Ben swallowed and continued to hold Phil close to him. A child? He honestly hadn't even considered that possibility. What was he thinking? He knew where babies came from; it had just never entered the picture when his desires for Phil built. He thought back to his lonely childhood. Did he want his child to experience the loneliness that he had grown up with? No, he wanted to be there for his child. He wanted to be there when he/she was born, to hold his son or daughter, to watch him/her take his/her first steps, to watch him/her grow, to hear his child call him 'daddy,' to read bedtime stories, to do all the things he had never experienced as a child himself. 

"Thank you, Phil," he whispered in her ear. She lifted her head and looked at him quizzically. "Thank you for your down-to-earth common sense. You're like...like..."

"A millstone around your neck?"

"No, more like...like an anchor that keeps me from drifting aimlessly."

"That sounds more like a drag-line to me!"

Ben only chuckled and held her close. A child? He closed his eyes and imagined Phil holding a tiny baby...his baby. Tears burned at the back of his eyes at the thought of what could never be. He ached for the child they would never have. Why did he hurt so much? "I'm sorry, Phil," he whispered in her ear.

"Sorry for what, T?" Phil searched her mind for the offense. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry that I involved both of us in this mess." Phil noticed the catch in his voice. "If I hadn't pursued you neither one of us would be hurting now. I'm sorry for the hurt and sadness that I've brought to you...to me." He turned his head away, not wanting her to see how upset he was.

Phil gently turned his face to hers surprised to see a lone tear wending it's way down his cheek. "Ben..." she quickly kissed the tear away. "Ben, please don't be sorry for what we've shared." She held his face in her hands and stared into his glacier blue eyes. "At least now I can say that I **know** what love is..." The tears built in her eyes as well. "Love is **you** , T--pure and simple, love, for me, will always be you. I will cherish my memories of you and what we shared for the rest of my life." She drew in a shaky breath. "Thank you, Ben, for showing me what love is." She gently kissed the lips that descended to meet hers.

All too soon they lay on their separate bedrolls trying to get the sleep neither one could seem to find. Ben stared at the ceiling and listened as Phil shifted on her bedroll once again. She had tossed and turned continually since they had both retired. "Phil, are you still awake?" The restless movements ceased. "I know you're awake."

"I'm sorry, T. I didn't realize that I was keeping you awake."

"What's the problem?"

"I don't know...I just can't seem to get comfortable."

He lay there for a few minutes more, made his decision, and rose from his bedroll. Phil sat up and watched as Ben opened the storage closet, removed the second foam mattress, and laid it next to her own. Motioning for her to stand, he spread his bedroll over the two adjacent mattresses then spread hers on top of his.

"T, I thought we discussed this earlier."

"We discussed sex earlier, we didn't discuss sleeping, and **only** sleeping, together."

"I'm not sleeping with you!"

"Why not? You've done it before!"

" **I have not**! Honestly, I don't know where you get these ideas of yours, T! Don't you think I'd remember if we had slept together?"

"How much do you remember about your little jaunt to Blue Basin?"

Mouth suddenly dry, she stared at the man sitting before her. She closed her eyes. A shiver ran up her spine and her hair stood on end. She opened her eyes to look at Ben's upturned face. "I don't remember much, T. Just a few scattered thoughts and images. Don't tell me I...you...I mean...did we..." Her eyes took on a haunted cast. 

He reached out a hand and tugged her down until she was seated next to him. She slid easily into his arms. Ben held her to his chest as she sought the memories requested.

"I remember the cascade, the horses, being cold, then hot, you, and I think there was a woman with blue eyes." She swallowed, "I don't remember much more than that." She turned troubled eyes to search his face. "What happened there? I want to know what happened."

He settled her face against his chest and began a quick retelling of the events of those few days now several months in the past. Phil listened to his heartbeat as the story unfolded. "So, after I found you, I carried you to the cabin. You were hypothermic and soaked to the skin. I had to warm you up. I stripped your wet clothes from you, dried you off, and put a dry shirt on you. I covered you with all the blankets I could find. Nothing seemed to work. Even the fire I built didn't warm you." He drew in a deep breath, "So, I stripped and climbed into bed with you and used my body heat to warm you. As I held you, you stopped fidgeting and rested. I fell asleep with you in my arms."

He held her close while this information soaked in. Finally, she raised her face and looked into his face, noting how the firelight played across his cheeks and nose. "There's more, isn't there?"

"Yes, but it only has to do with bringing your fever down and realizing how much I loved you and wishing the storm would let up and being afraid that you might die and I would never have a chance to tell you how much you meant to me and worrying about what TJ would do if something happened to you and..." Phil placed a finger against his lips silencing his outburst. Ben gently kissed the finger then sought her mouth.

Phil drew slowly back from his embrace. She gazed deeply into his eyes. "So, what you're saying is that if I was comfortable sleeping with you before, it might help me sleep tonight?"

"Something along those lines. Are you willing to trust me, Phil? I promise not to do anything except hold you."

She continued her perusal of the depths of his eyes. What she saw there eased her mind. "Okay, T. But, I'm only doing this because we both need some sleep before we face that slope tomorrow." She pushed away from him and stretched her slender form out on her portion of the bedroll. She felt Ben settle on his portion. She jumped when his arm snaked over her side and pulled her body up next to his. She was spooned against his chest. She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck. How could she have ever been comfortable like this? Every nerve in her body was on fire. She was conscious of every move he made, of every place where his body touched hers.

"Phil, relax," Ben breathed against her neck. He could feel the tension in her body. He could hear her rapid breathing. He used his hand to gently stroke her arm, her shoulder, urging her to relax. Gradually he felt the tension unwind and her breathing slow and deepen as she finally slipped into sleep. His hand moved now to her hip and thigh, gently stroking her. Finally his arm moved up and wrapped around her torso, his hand cupping her breast. He buried his face in the back of her neck, inhaled deeply, and followed her into slumber.

* * *

They topped the ridge and paused to take in the view of Thunder Basin. It was breath taking. The golden aspens quaked as the wind soughed through the scattered stands. Sunlight glinted off the waterfalls. An occasional rock clattered down the slope. How could any one spot be so beautiful, yet so deadly? Ben looked at the rock slope. He swallowed carefully. The slope below them was deceptively peaceful.

They approached the first rock outcrop. Phil uncoiled the rope she had carried with her. "I'll take the first leg," she smiled as she hooked the rope to the ring in the rock. "You can head the next one." She hooked her harness to the rope and took a step toward the scree slope. "You do remember how to do this, don't you?" and she grinned that evil grin of hers.

"Yes, I think I remember. You hook you harness to the rope and then take leave of your senses. Something like skiing without the snow or the skis." His reply was in the driest tone he could muster. Heaven knows his mouth was dry enough with the apprehension the slope brought.

Phil laughed and launched herself onto the slope. She seemed to take a delight in starting all kinds of avalanches as she made her way to the next rock outcrop. "Your turn!" she yelled up at him.

Grasping the rope for dear life, Ben managed to stay upright all the way to the next outcrop. "How do you manage to make that look so easy?" he asked as he pulled up next to her.

"I've had years of practice, T, mostly alone. Believe me when I say I know this slope."

Admiration shone in his eyes. "How did you negotiate this slope before the rings were in place?"

Phil looked at him and then back up the slope. "Very carefully. I put the rings in after the first time I came back here. Sure, I needed to face this slope, but I didn't need to get myself killed doing it! Believe me when I say I don't want to go over the edge again."

"I believe you. I don't want to experience that again, either!" The both laughed a bit self-consciously. He looked at the slope before them. "I guess, I **have** to go first on this next leg?"

She nodded. "You need to face this slope on you own...not anchored to a lifeline like before. On this slide, the rope will act as a tether. It's not like having both ends fastened. If you slip, you won't go over the edge, but the ride is **not** something to look forward to." 

"What do I need to do?"

"Get a good hold on the line, allow yourself some slack, but not much. You can take it slow and cautious or fast and furious. I've done it both ways. Which ever method you choose, don't let go the line. If you slip, I'll be the one to catch you so you don't slide too far. So...hang on to the line for dear life!" He nodded his understanding and Phil carefully placed the coil of rope where it wouldn't snag on something. He checked his harness, took another look at the slope, and turned to Phil.

"Which method do you suggest I try?"

"Both have their merits. If you take it slow you can plan each step you take. You know, aim for the big rocks..."

"...not the little ones. I remember, Phil."

"The drawback to that method is that it takes longer to do than the other. With the fast method it's over quick."

"And how do I do the fast method?"

Phil chuckled, "You run like a bat-out-of-hell and you just don't stop!"

Ben looked down toward the next rock outcrop. "Where's the ring?" he asked.

Phil pointed to a large outcrop of gneiss. "See that rock that has the pink squiggles that look like an ocean wave?" Ben marked the rock and nodded to Phil. "It's at the base of that outcrop."

"Do I have to slide all the way up to it or does the sliding stop before I get to it?"

She grimaced, "All the way, I'm afraid."

"I aim for the big rocks not the little ones?"

Phil checked his harness and made sure he was securely hooked to the rope. "Just let the rope out slowly. You'll do fine, T. I know you will."

He took one last look at Phil, then stepped out on the slope. It really wasn't as bad as he had thought. If he moved quickly he could stay ahead of most of the slides that he started. It was a lot like wading through the swift current of a river--just keep moving--maintain balance--slide--watch out for that rock. Before he knew it he reached the gneiss boulder and safety. He latched the rope to the ring and attached the next rope. He attached his harness to the second rope, stood, and motioned for Phil to follow.

Phil watched Ben step out on the slope and slide. She knew just how much courage it took to do that. The first time she had come back after her accident it had taken her two days to work up enough nerve to do it. Ben had done it in less than an hour. She was amazed at his courage. On second thought, she realized that that was just the kind of man he was. She proudly watched his progress. He traversed that scree slope like he had been doing it all his life.

At last they stood triumphantly at the bottom of the slope—a slope that had been conquered once more. Ben hugged Phil to him, lifted her off her feet, and swung her in a circle. By the time he set her back on her feet she was laughing. He smothered her giggles with kisses that only made her laugh more. 

"See, now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, but, I don't think I could have made it without you, Phil." 

"Of course you could have. It's just easier if there's someone to cheer you on. You were fantastic."

"I owe it all to you, Phil. If you hadn't risked your life to same mine, I wouldn't be here to share this experience with you." He led her over to the edge of the cliff. "I saw something in your eyes when you were holding me, keeping me from falling...something that called to me. I think that was the moment I fell in love with you." He took her into his arms and gently kissed the face turned to him.

"I'm going to miss you, Ben. I wish you didn't have to go home." Phil gently pushed away from Ben's arms and turned away from him. She picked her way along the edge of the precipice until she reached the point where Ben had gone over the edge. Pushing some rocks out of the way with her foot, she sat down and closed her eyes. She heard Ben's careful approach and the settling of his body next to hers.

"I wish I didn't have to go, too, Phil." Ben's reply was whisper-soft. They traded glances filled with pain and sadness then turned to stare at the scenery before them.

Sitting on the edge of the precipice they both enjoyed the music of the waterfalls, the wind in the trees, and the lone call of a circling hawk. "Do the northern lights ever play this far south?" Ben asked quietly.

Phil gave him a puzzled look, "The aurora borealis?" He nodded and returned Phil's gaze. "I've never seen it. I've never seen the aurora. Is it as beautiful as I've heard?"

Ben's face took on a faraway look. "It's probably the most beautiful light show I have **ever** experienced."

A wistful note played through Phil's husky voice. "I would love to see them someday, Ben."

"Someday I'll show them to you." He whispered the lie in her ear, gave her a gentle kiss, and held her close. His heart ached. _'Someday, Phil, I want to watch the aurora's lights play across your body as I make love to you. Someday...'_ His thoughts continually turned to the problem that faced him. Why was he denying what he was feeling? He was going to be hurt just as badly as she was when he went home.

What was he going to do when he left her behind? An important part of him would wither and die, that's what. There had to be something that he could do to prevent Phil's heart from breaking...to prevent his own from breaking as well. Surely there was a solution that would help both of them. He buried his face in her neck and searched for an answer to their dilemma. His time was fast running out.

 

To be continued (?)

Copyright December 1996 by SL Haas

Revised June 1999

Comments are welcome at 

durango@ionet.net

 

Fraser’s Secret

(Book 1)

  1. On a Collision Course
  2. Nocturnal Duet
  3. Jumping to Conclusions
  4. "In the Kiss of One Girl"
  5. Real Conversations
  6. Icnites, Montmorillonite, and Bentonite, Oh My!
  7. An Acquired Taste
  8. "…a Dish Best Served Cold"
  9. Like Thunder When It Rains
  10. Steppingstones
  11. The First Consciousness
  12. An Answered Dream
  13. Since We Parted
  14. The Fine Line That Separates
  15. Moments of Regret
  16. Benton's Secret



 

 


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